“I’m scared,” Thomas said, his voice just above a whisper, the air barely flowing into his lungs. “I didn’t think I would be, since I have been preparing for this, but I am.”
His wife and adult children surrounded Thomas as he lay in his hospital bed on the hospice floor. His wife sat to his right and held his hand. His two boys stood on the sides of the bed while his youngest daughter stood at the foot of the bed. They all had wet tear filled eyes.
“There is nothing to be afraid of dad,” answered his eldest son. “You know heaven is waiting on the other side. God promises us that.” They all nodded in agreement.
His wife squeezed his hand just a little tighter. He turned his head on the pillow and looked down at his wife. There wasn’t much left to say. They had said it all to each other over fifty-four years of marriage. The love they had for each other was understood. It had been expressed in thousands of deeds, big and small, along with thousands of words, over the course of five and a half decades together.
She looked up into her husbands’ eyes. They both understood now, this final day, these final moments, that this was the end. He held her hand a bit tighter and the love flowed between them.
“Was I a good man? Did I lead a worthy life?” Thomas asked, the children leaning in to hear him.
His daughter came from the foot of the bed and around to her father’s side. She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. A tear fell onto the pillow. “Dad, we could not have asked for a better father. You were always there for us.” Thomas saw his sons nodding in agreement. “Dad, we love you very much. We are here with you.” She put the palm of her hand on her dad’s cheek. She looked around at her brothers and at her mother. A sense of calmness filled the room.
She said it for all of them, “Dad, it’s okay, you can go now.”
Thomas closed his eyes and drifted.
He was in a field, a summer field full of flowers up to his chest. Sunflowers, his favorite. A feeling of joy overcame him and peace filled his soul.
He turned around to see stretched before him a beautiful field of red poppies. He felt a spiritual connection to the divine. The inner peace he felt increased.
Thomas stood on the border between the two fields. Between two worlds.
Way off in the distance, where the two fields met on the horizon, Thomas saw a bright light. He knew this was his destination. He began to walk between the fields toward the light.
Each step forward brought a vision of his life to him. A picture, or a few seconds of film, moments of his entire life.
Thomas saw the doctor handing him his baby daughter. He saw his ten and twelve year old sons playing whiffle-ball in the backyard while he grilled hot dogs and hamburgers from the back porch. He watched his table saw cut the oak shelves for his wife’s china cabinet he built for her in his wood shop.
Now he was six years old catching bullfrogs at the edge of the pond with his friends. Now they were swinging from the tire swing and falling into the lake. Laughter and joy, he felt it. The innocence of his youth. He saw himself in his Little League uniform playing second base, pounding his glove waiting for a line drive. He pictured his left hand on the steering wheel of his big Chevy while his right hand was around his girl who was sitting next to him on the big bench seat. He saw himself looking at her knowing she was the one.
He then saw her walking down the church aisle, in the most beautiful dress he had ever seen, looking at him like he was all that mattered in the whole world. Now they were dancing in the red barn where the reception was held, and he was the happiest man alive.
Now he was sixty-five years old on his riding lawnmower cutting his big yard. He smelled the fresh cut grass. He looked to the house and saw his wife watching him with a big smile. He felt the love.
He felt tears now as he saw himself walking his daughter down the aisle in the church. Love and pride and sadness filled his heart. Now he was holding his first grandchild in his arms. He now was watching his oldest son graduate from the military academy. He was watching his middle son play second base on the college team.
Now he was eighty years old and Thomas saw himself sitting in the doctors’ office, holding his wife’s hand, the doctor shaking his head and saying ‘I’m sorry’. Thomas sees himself signing a new will and reassuring his family.
He now views the faces of the senior citizens he drove around town. He views the smiling face of the down syndrome boy at the grocery store who he encouraged each week. He sees the thankful faces of the widows he visited each Thursday.
He continues to walk forward and thinks to himself, “Are there no bad things? Why am I not remembering the awful times, the tragic days?”
Yet as soon as that thought entered his head it was gone, mist blown away in the wind.
“Is this heaven?” Thomas thought. “Is this how it will be? Pleasant memories? Or is this just the walk down memory lane? A prelude?” Thomas was amazed he was even having thoughts at all. “It’s supposed to be a new heaven and a new earth.”
He reached the end of the fields. The visions stopped. He arrived at the light. He was surrounded and enveloped in light. There was only light.
He stood and stared and wondered at the light for a while, he felt no time here.
Then, nothingness.
He crossed the border.
Thanks for reading this little possible slice of the journey between worlds - crossing the border between Life and Death. None of us knows, of course, so I’d like to think it would be pleasant.
Thanks again my friend for taking a moment out of your day to read this.
It is truly appreciated. Until next time, take care of yourself.
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